I've been back in the UK now for a week and a half and it still doesn't feel real. Right now I feel as though I'm simply on holiday from Finland and I'll be going back there to resume my life in a matter of days. I can't quite get it into my head that it's over and my life in Helsinki is all in the past tense. I lived in Finland, I do not live there now.
It's been a strange couple of days because I went to Edinburgh directly after getting home, and that felt as though I'd never left. It felt as though I could simply delete everything which had happened in my life in the last year and pretend it never happened, almost as though the things I've been doing in Helsinki have absoultely no relevance to my life in Edinburgh. It was a strange feeling, don't get me wrong I love the fact that my relationship with my flatmates and best friends is still the same and we're still good friends, but at the same time it felt like they hadn't changed at all in the last year and I have. I've done so many things and met so many people that they will never quite understand because they didn't go on exchange.
Then, on Thursday we had our first post Erasmus reunion in London. Basically, it ended up that coincidentally 5 of my best friends were all planning on being in London on 4th and 5th June. We'd all arranged this seperately and it just so happened - I was visiting a friend for example. So we all met up in Picadilly Circus (IN the fountain, as were the instructions from the Spaniard in the group) and then went for drinks and a meal. It was really really nice and I think we all realised that even though it's the end of erasmus and the end of our lives in Finland we can still be friends, and our friendship doesn't just exist in Helsinki. We were all really excited to see each other as there was a lot of catching up to do because the guys had left Helsinki earlier than me and our other friend, meaning we had to fill them in on everything. It felt so normal and natural, and saying goodbye wasn't hard - there were no tears unlike Finland - which means we all know that it's not the end of our friendship. The tears in Helsinki were for the end of erasmus, not the end of everything. Then the guys went home and I stayed in London until Tuesday with one of my best girl friends who is German.
Now, I've got loads of things to look forward to in the coming weeks. On Saturday I'm heading to Vienna to see one of my friends from home who is doing her erasmus there, but coincidentally, one of my best friends from Helsinki also lives there so obviously we will meet up. Then, on Thursday next week I am heading to Spain to see a friend from Edinburgh who is in Seville. It worked out to be 50% cheaper if I flew to Madrid and took the bus, meaning I also get to see one of my other best friends from Helsinki who lives there. I am so excited about seeing them again - more so than seeing my friends from the UK. It feels like as I've not seen my UK erasmus year friends in a year, then if I don't see them for another few weeks until they come home it's not really the end of the world in the grand scheme of things, whereas I've not got my head around not seeing Lisa and Javi yet. Meaning I really miss them!
Then, at the end of July, we've got a real test of everyones English skills - around 15 of my friends are coming to Edinburgh/Glasgow for our first reunion to go in time with the other Edinburgh Helsinki goers birthday. I can't wait although at the moment we're stressing out about where to put everyone as neither of us have flats as of yet meaning there is the potential that almost 20 erasmus students will be camping out on the Meadows! It's so cool that loads of people are coming, pretty much everyone who has been invited is coming.
So that is my life post erasmus!
The last fortnight in Finland was horrible, it really was because every single day someone else was leaving and we had to say bye. I've cried more times in the last few weeks than I remember doing in years, as it was pretty much every day there were tears. It was so emotional and also so horrible walking around my building because each day another room was empty, and because it is a hostel during the summer, the cleaners were straight in to de-studentify it and make the room look nice. If anyone ever asks me for advice on an exchange year my advice would be to not make friends. If you don't make friends then going home will be so much easier.
As one of the few native English speakers in Helsinki I am proud of how much my friends have improved in their English and I know that I have had a big part to play in this, which I like. Loads of them said that we were the best English teachers ever, and lots of people said that their challenge at the start of the year was to understand the native British speakers, and now they can. Even though I didn't really learn a language this year (although my French improved dramatically, especially when drunk) I've learnt an awful lot about English and second language aquistion, which as a Linguistics student, is incredibly interesting. When I listen to my friends speaking, I hear me and the other UK team in them, and now when I speak English, I hear my friends in my speech. They have influenced me just as much as I have influenced them.
In the last year I've changed a lot, my opinions about Europe have changed dramatically. When I first arrived I saw myself as different from the rest of Europe and I was fairly EU skeptic - well not skeptic, but I wasn't in a hurry to join the Euro put it that way! Now I can't understand why the UK aren't rushing to join the Euro currency, and I've realised that the UK have a ridiculous status in Europe. Why do we think we're so special and different from the Germans or the French?? Everyone else in Europe just laughs at us! I certainly see Europe to be much more a part of my life and combined in my identity as British - we're European and perhaps having done Erasmus gives you a shared identity there. As one of my French friends facebook status' said on his departure - I "was Erasmus, and always will be". I've learnt so many things about different countries, people and languages this year and as much as there is difference in the world there are also many similarities.
I'm now considering doing my Masters in the Netherlands as I've found a really good course that I'd love to do, so I will probably be applying in a few months. I would never have considered that this time last year and I will now be spending every moment I can getting into differnet countries in Europe and visiting my friends. Going on exchange in my 3rd year was one of the things I've wanted to do ever since applying to university and it was one of my priorities for choosing a university. Erasmus has been everything and anything I wanted it to be - I would never have thought that I would have ended up going to Finland for my year abroad, but it has ended up being the best year of my life and an experience that I don't think can be sumarised into one word or feeling. It's just simply "Erasmus"!
