Somewhere my numbering system went really wrong, but including holidays and counting from September the first this is the end of week twenty seven. When you say it in weeks it seems even shorter than it feels!

Not a lot happened this week, I started to feel ill on Tuesday and now (Sunday) I am definitely ill, but at least it’s the weekend, I had planned to do my assignment, and I still might, but I am going to do Japanese first- it’s more fun…

I have been worrying again this week, mostly about how I can’t seem to really communicate when I’m talking in French, especially when I’m talking to people in labs; I don’t know if it’s because they are actually French; or if it’s because I feel so insignificant. I don’t think I’m explaining it well, as a British masters student I am the least qualified in the lab; which in itself doesn’t bother me, everyone does it and it’s a good experience but couple that with having to talk to people much better than me in French and I just fall apart. I am reduced to a body that smiles stupidly and nods a lot. It’s frustrating; I wish I had the confidence to just say what comes into my head; I wish people would give me a little more time to reply because I have to think about word order, and grammar and more and more I am realising which bits should be subjunctive, and that I should have pronounced it differently but still no one corrects me and I had really hoped my French would be better by now…

Of course this then added to my usual worries, my literature review which is now 2000 words in, this is the most prepared I have ever been for a piece of work, it is due the end of April and I have done most of my research and written, at least, half of it! This should make me feel good but it just makes me want to write the next bit, I’m never happy with what I have, I’m always looking to the next thing, always worrying about next weeks tasks, that is why I decided to take action. On Friday, just before I left, I asked Gabin (from my lab who is now helping me, I don’t know if I have mentioned him before?) if we could have a meeting on Monday, of course now I’m panicking, but I’m locked in now which means if I am sensible and don’t get all silly and nervous all these little insignificant worries should go away. Hopefully the more important ones will be solved too. I feel like I’m taking a test!

French classes started up again this week, Andrew and I are both in B2 now, so one class up; I hope it’ll be more challenging but it doesn’t seem much different from the last class in the division of levels. There are five or so of us who seem more willing to speak out that the rest, just like before, although when she suggested we all say a bit about ourselves she must have seen everyone’s face drop and so quickly changed tack and decided to start off with something a little more interesting: she asked us to get into groups with people of different nationalities and then to think of a word which best described our country. I found it very interesting that people of the same nationality in different groups came up with the same key ideas. The Italians came up with a sense of contradiction, Spanish was a sense of camaraderie, Germany was change, even Andrew and my ideas were complementary I came up with diversity for England and for Scotland he thought of identity… I don’t think anyone else was as surprised by this as me, or interested in it. At least our teacher, Dominique, actually let me speak though instead of just ignoring me like Anne did, in fact she was so different, smiling at me encouragingly and even though I didn’t speak that well she helped me and was pleased that I was trying to say more difficult things. This is such a change from Anne’s lessons, it’s a shame Shusaku isn’t in the class anymore because we always had such fun, but I still actually enjoyed the class!

It’s been a quiet weekend I’m afraid, Sarah and Rob were over last night and we stayed up until one, not good for my cold, but the company cheered me up. Rachel, Andrew and I are not drinking wine (but trying to not drink any alcohol) for the duration of lent- Rachel is actually religious, Andrew and I are just supporting her, and possibly doing it just because we like a challenge…

Anyway Rachel just knocked at my door telling me Andrew is making tea so I’m going to finish rambling now. I have no plans yet for next week but I’m sure there will be some kind of drama- there always is!