I managed to start my literature review this week even though I have been otherwise preoccupied by the prospect of going to Japan.
First of all I had to decide if I really wanted to go for it despite the fact it would mean leaving my boyfriend for a further two months and that I can’t speak Japanese, not really… I spent most of the week stressing out and wringing my hands over the thought of going, I had to write a CV in the French style (in English) and send it to my tutor, he said something about forms which I didn’t understand and I tried to e-mail him but as of yet have had no reply and am now worried about going tomorrow, also felt guilty for missing the first lesson back.
The thing is now I’ve decided to go I’m even more terrified that something will come up that will stop me from going and I’m worried about everything from appropriate paper work to applications, arriving alone, where I’ll be going, what job I’d be doing… but at the same time I’m thinking I probably won’t end up going and that terrifies me in a different way… I’m fed up of thinking about it!
Thanks to all of that the rest of the week I have been drifting around as if in a dream and not really paying attention, have hardly spoken to Lydie and am now having to go onto analysis but I need to ask questions and I’m still a bit nervous about asking questions in case I seem stupid but I just don’t want to mess things up. You’d think that feeling would have gone by now but it seems to be there sometimes lurking in the background. I also need to speak French before Christmas we were speaking it all the time but now I feel as if I’m forgetting it all. I can understand most things now; it’s just replying appropriately that’s hard.
In general being in France is no longer an issue, if people stop you in the street you can reply, you can have inane chatter in a queue or a shop when things fall over. Lille is familiar now as is everything in the lab and on campus, now you can moan about things because it’s just ‘France’ and you begin to see the balance of negative and positive things. For example everything is closed on a Sunday, it’s atually pretty good if you get all your shopping before hand, Sunday becomes a day to work and socialise and we now makes our big three course meal, this week we have a vaguely Italian feel to the meal but mainly it gives us an excuse to sit up at a table and have a real chat.
Not that we don’t spend enough time chatting, we spend almost every spare moment together, normally that would make me feel a bit stressed but it’s actually great fun and if you do want some alone time you just have to say. Yesterday, Saturday, we went to see Twilight, (Sarah, Andrew, Rachel and I [The Disneyland Crew {©Rachel Scullian Jan 08}])- we have all read at least the first book and became slightly obsessed, the film isn’t that good but hey an obsession is senseless… And how do you say ‘Twilight’ with a French accent, do you even try?
I feel I need to set myself goals this week otherwise I don’t seem to do anything, it’s so easy to drift and just work in labs, it’s not like we don’t work in labs, I’m always doing an experiment, or writing up, or doing an assignment, or researching for my literature review, or panicking about my final report… still I feel it’s never enough.
So this week I want to get one section of my literature review finished, I want to finish my assignment on ‘molecular spectroscopy’, speak more French, get more lab work to do and do some analysis on my products… That’s quite a lot…
Japanese work is calling me today, I think were watching ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ tonight- it’s a really good film, and then next weekend is Disneyland, that’s going to be fun!
Until next time…
